The Fine Art of Apology

The Do’s and Don’ts of saying, "I’m Sorry."

When we make mistakes and hurt others, anger builds up in the other person and our guilt grows. Most people end up blaming the other person, trying to fend off guilt, seeking physical distance or severing relationships. These are the consequences of having inadequate skills for accepting the reality of others’ feelings and humanness. What people should do, when they cause grief to others, is apologized, but that is hard for some, usually because they think apologizing is "losing." Apology is not synonomous with defeat. On the contrary, it reduces the tension and anger of others, and our own guilt. Most of the time the anger other feels and our own guilt are the result of our unwillingness to admit a mistake.

Does apologizing humiliate us and put us down? Not really. It shows we are big enough to take responsibility. In addition, a sincere apology demonstrates that we care about the other person and the relationship. Apologizing, properly done, can have positive results, building a stronger bond, and increasing mutual respect. Here are the keys, as defined by a Hindu psychologist.

© "East and West Series" (January, 2002) published by East and West Series, 10, Sadhu Vaswani Path, Pune 411 001. Reprinted with permission.

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