True Love - Swami Chidananda

"Expect, you are miserable; do your work without expectations, you are the king of kings!" This is the upshot of Sri Krishna’s teachings of karma Yoga. This truth has far-reaching implications in human psychology. Learning to `give’ and `not expect’ is easier said than done. A deep inner transformation alone can bring about this healthy outlook in us.

Life is relationships. "Hell is other people," said Jean Paul Sartre. Yes, it seems that all our sorrows are either caused by `other people’ directly or are born of our comparing ourselves with `others.’ Alas, we are enslaved to others. Others rule our lives. If somebody is kind to us, we are on cloud nine. If he or she frowns at us, we are depressed all day. It has become fashionable these days to openly compliment others when they are good to us, "Ah, you made, my day!" This dependence on others often keeps us on tenterhooks. Should this be so? To use Pujya Gurudev Swami Chinmayanandaji’s words, "Should we put the key to our happiness in others’ pockets?"

Life is a lot of ‘give and take.’ No man is an island. "To love and to be loved is the greatest privilege of life," said our Master. Love is a very popular word. It is also a poorly understood and much misused word. True love is a spiritual awakening. It is found when the ego is lost.

We are at ease when we truly love. The misused form of love is nothing but a disease. In true love, we rise; in the false one, we fall. Thus the expression, "falling in love," has mischievous, perhaps unintended, suggestions. The religious language calls true love devotion and applies it to God alone. God alone can truly love you; your love can be pure only when it is directed at God. The finite can never truly love another finite entity. Infinity is the source of love and infinity is the receiving end! "God (Infinity) gives and forgives; man (the finite) gets and forgets." However, a man is not finite when he rises above his ego or selfishness. Is love possible in human relationships? It is as hard a question to answer as, "Can a man really be a jeevan-mukta?" i.e. "Is liberation possible as long as we are in this body?" In both contexts, a certain amount of faith has to complement reason to arrive at a convincing `yes’. Whether possible in full measure or not, true love is an inspiring ideal that can fuel hope in our hearts and lend meaning to our lives. Life is a celebration of love when we see it deeply. "Love is the only force in reality," observed Swami Vivekananda. Hatred, he explained, is a form that the love force takes (as though) when there is an obstruction to its (love’s) expression. All we want to give is love; all we want to receive is love. While this is the truth, the rest of it is all expressions of confusion. Vedanta calls it `born of avidya (ignorance)’ and goes on to say that this avidya (ignorance) itself is of questionable existence.

Take now the question of freedom. Freedom is when there is no want. When we give love, which means we just serve, there is complete self-expression and therefore great satisfaction. It is a joy for a bird to fly, for a cuckoo to sing and for a fish to swim. To express themselves as God made them, is freedom for them. Suppose they are prevented from either flying, singing or swimming respectively, they feel that they have lost freedom. More importantly, they lose their freedom if they want somebody to watch and admire them! Here comes ‘phalaasakti’ or attachment to the fruit of action. When we are rewarded materially, we experience some pleasure. We call it happiness also. Sense gratification also is a pleasure.

Emotionally, we find, many behavioral patterns of others that please us and many others that do not. It pleases us immensely when others accept or respect our opinion. The hitch here, however, is that we stop enjoying our self-expression for its own sake. A certain speaker got so attached to his talks being recorded (video/audio), that he could no more enjoy speaking, even if it was about his favorite topics, unless his presentations were being taped. What a tragedy! Can the bird, the cuckoo and the fish afford to stop flying, singing and swimming – even if there is nobody to admire and applaud them!

To demand love is not so much a slavery outside as it is inside us. We are victims of our own mind’s vicious game. The mind asks the wrong question repeatedly, "What did you get?" A whole lot of disappointments are guaranteed if we look around and ask, "What did he or she give me?" Instead, let us ask, "what can I offer my parents, family members, organization etc?" The effect can be magical. We find avenues open up before us to serve people. Let us do it silently. The results would be overwhelming though, ironically, we did not ask for them. More than anything else, we find our hearts being filled with peace and fulfillment. To lack motivation is the sign of tamo-guna. To be after self-gratification indicates the rajo-guna in us. We need to overcome both these and `give love’ without making an issue of what we get in return. That would be sattva-guna. The world seems to be cruel when we go around seeking to be gratified. The same world is kind when our desire is to serve. Somebody once stood on a crowded street of new York and said desperately, "Is there a single place in this world where we may get a free lunch?" A passerby stopped and said, "I can show you such a place; but first give me two dollars!"

Charity begins at home. We need to start with those whom God, as though, has entrusted to us. Our family and our regular contacts in this vast world are our home. There is more value in being kind to the man whom we meet everyday than in making a fat donation to an ashram in the Himalayas. (The ideal is to do both!) We need to grow uniformly where there is a natural harmony with the surroundings. When we show love to some and hate others, there is the interference of manmade divisive forces. Right from childhood, we are conditioned by many a false propaganda.

Consequently, our personal and social lives are both affected by fancy and prejudice. True love cannot blossom in such an environment. Thank God, we can undo all falsehood. As we grow, we can learn. As we learn, we grow. Love is a constant flame burning brightly in our bosom. Alas, a mind that has fallen prey to negative forces acts like a sheet of glass with a layer of soot on it. The light of the flame scarcely passes through it. Clean the glass and just see!

Alert and vigilant living does the cleaning. Be earnest, be ready to learn. Be open, just do what you think is right. The doors that were shut will open again. The fresh breeze will blow again. The bright sunshine will bring again the light and warmth of TRUE LOVE.

© ‘Tapovan Prasad’ (July, 2001) published by Chinmaya Mission, No.2, 13th Avenue, Harrington Road, Chetput, Chennai 600 031. Website: chinmayatapovan.com. Reprinted with permission.

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